I’ve come a long way in the past year. A year ago, I was in a place where I felt unable to react calmly to upsetting situations. All I could do was react to extremes. I was taking Latuda, that newish bipolar medication that I had seen commercials on TV for. It was really expensive even with my copay and a discount card. I took it for the better part of a year, and it never even helped. It may work for others, but it didn’t for me.
Eventually, I took a more proactive approach and insisted to my newish doctor that I change back to a medication that had always worked for me in the past, Abilify. I was able to get a discount card that made the copay for a month-long supply only $5. I am not a doctor, but this is just what has worked for me and my brain chemistry. Everybody is different though. Don’t take my word for it over a doctor.
For about a year I was unable to work because I was too unstable. I have Bipolar 1, and I had a manic episode that lasted about 6 months, followed by a severe depression that was just as long. But last May, I went back to the workforce in a low-stress job. I worked that job full time for a few months and have now scaled back to a part-time job at a different place so I can have more time for self-care.
A couple weeks ago, I ran out of my medications, and was too lazy to get them refilled on time. I went a few days without my meds, and I noticed that it definitely had an effect. I felt a lot more anxiety, and less in control. I finally refilled them and have been making sure to take them religiously morning and night for the past week. I am starting to feel much better.
Sometimes when I get anxiety, I get this impending feeling of doom that I can read people’s minds, and that they are thinking bad things about me. There have been times in the past when the feeling was so overwhelmingly strong, that I felt there was nothing I could do to fix it, especially in a work situation. But now, I’m feeling more optimistic. I feel like perhaps there are things I can improve about my performance at work, and I still have time to make an effort at that and possibly turn things around. I’m trying to take a proactive approach to my life. I don’t have to just let things happen to me. I can control my destiny!